The war within

Originally published on 5 minute Affairs Nov 13 2021.

He is nothing to us. Brain lied to Heart. We don’t feel that way. Brain lied again. There is nothing happening between he and us. The lies spilled over. Brain was trying to convince Heart that we weren’t falling for you. We couldn’t fall for you. We weren’t right for each other. We wouldn’t last. Each lie was piled on another. We’re too far apart. He doesn’t feel the same. Each excuse was feeble. Heart was already soaring away, ripping down the walls from the last sad encounter. The walls Brain has built to protect Heart.

Brain was furiously trying to seal the walls back up around her. Brain didn’t want to see her hurt again when she made decisions. But Heart wants what she wants, and damned what Brain has to say about it. 

“He doesn’t care about you that way.” 

That thought echoes in the mind, because, how could we be sure without letting Heart out to try? 

How can we let Heart be free to chase what she wants, but still protect her from being utterly crushed and limp back, to be walled up again. 

Why is there no balance? 

Can we love without getting hurt? 

Can we feel happy without feeling sad? 

Can we feel euphoria, and not feel pain? 

Brain said to numb it all out, protect yourself and wear a mask. Smile, but don’t let anyone in. 

He doesn’t like you back. The thought bounced around inside, and it made Heart tremble. She slowed her struggle to be free as she felt the sting. She could taste the bittersweet thought Brain sent her, the memories of the past hurt. Her beating hands slowed on the walls to the natural cadence of protest.

Brain has won for now, but they will fight again soon. 

We went back to being just us, Brain making the decisions, and Heart influencing emotions. Then we saw that thing, and Brain thought of you. Heart could feel that thought, and got excited. She started to beat more furiously on the walls, I want that! she screamed at Brain. 

Why? Said Brain. ”he will hurt you.” Heart just beat more furiously on her walls, she was adamant.”This time will be different. He is different.” Brain finally relented. “You want that, huh? Fine, you can try. When you are hurt, you promise to go back and let me make the decisions?” 

This time it won’t hurt. Can’t you see he’s different, Brain?” Brain hoped that was true and let her out of the walls and take some control. Heart was making some decisions now. Deciding when to smile, when to blush, and letting him see us. Brain started to see what Heart saw, and let happiness in. Brain started to plan a future, and Heart got so excited. 

He didn’t show up for our date. “There’s a good reason,” Heart told Brain. “Maybe there’s been an emergency.” But Brain wasn’t so sure, so Brain started to try and take some control back from Heart. Tried to prepare her for the fall that was he thought was coming. 

There will be another fight, as the two warred for control. 

But the call came. Heart sank into the chest and rebuilt her walls. Brain let the sadness wash over us. He was different, but still it hurt. 

Let me be in control for a while?” Brain asked Heart.

Sure. Remind me of this when I get too attached again.” Brain understood, and they would fight again.

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